he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
