I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize