I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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