yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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