how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
