Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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