how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
