If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
