I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
