if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
