so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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