So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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