So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
