yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
