God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
