I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
