i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
