Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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