hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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