My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
