just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
