so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
