dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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