Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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