i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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