I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
