I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
wow bdsm is so cute
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
