Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
