Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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