I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
operation harelip BJ is a go
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
