Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
