Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
