when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize
