Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
