It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
