In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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