So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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