I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
