nutella sex= disaster
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
