i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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