He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
