...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
