And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
