I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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