I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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