her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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