next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
