You're my little dorito
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
