no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
