dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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