trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just pee around me
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
