the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
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