He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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