The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
