Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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