you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
