you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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