there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
