I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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