Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
