paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Drunk is a universal language darling
Congratulations! We have a period
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
