So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
