And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
