yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
