Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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