I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
