I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
