i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
