I think im going to throw up on grandma
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
