I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
