I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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