hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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