I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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