yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
