Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
