You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
