I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
