Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
you never un-have a 4some
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
