my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
