But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
