I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize