Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
