Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
