I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
